I used to be a lot more stressed about money, and can get that way from time to time, but now I know that I can only get so much money to pay everyone at one time. Really, I just need money to pay everyone else. The only thing I want to spend money on is food and travel (and those things go together).
When I was younger, I could dream about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I could play all day, read, stay up late, and not have to think about bills at all. I only thought about what I could buy with the money I had. Now as an adult, I have to work to pay the bills. I have to be careful with how I spend money so that there could be enough to pay the bills. Sometimes, there isn’t enough.
As a teenager, I got a lot of money because of the conditions surrounding my father’s death. That spoiled me. My mom and I never had to think about there being enough money. I wish I was more frugal though. That would have helped out a lot.
I have went to college, but it was Bible college, so I don’t have a skill or trade or anything to go for an entry level job. Now I am thinking it would be a good idea to have gotten a degree like that, but alas, I didn’t.
Welcome to adulthood. What a disappointment. I just wanted to be an adult so I could do whatever I want, but I find myself enslaved. Welcome to society. Welcome to this world.
But let me end this with positivity. Being an adult has its stinky moments, but it also has more wisdom and experience.
And my hope should be in Christ, not for this life only, but for the next one as well.
I am amazed at the lives some people get to live. I get a little jealous. I see people being able to travel all the time, not having to go in debt, making a bunch of money to enjoy life and take care of their problems. It has left a bitter taste in my mouth towards these people.
This isn’t good. I don’t want to dwell on the circumstances of other people’s lives. They will have to answer to God for how they live, just as I will. Focusing on other people will not do anything to make my life better. I don’t see the amount of work people have done to get where they have gotten. I haven’t exhausted all of my options to try and improve the quality of my life. Being bitter feeds into the “poor-me” mentality. Self-pity isn’t a great motivator for change.
Comparing your life to someone else’s can leave you feeling disappointed with your own. Maturity is there when you can compare but not be jealous or bitter towatd the other person.
Have you heard the saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt?” It is typically used in the situation of being around someone so much that you take that person for granted and can act like a jerk to that person or neglect that person.
But something else I have noticed is that familiarity also “makes” you like something. I listen to some songs from when I was growing up just for the nostalgia factor, even if the songs are not something I would choose to listen to now. There are some songs that I heard so much, that eventually I liked them. You can also keep eating a food and eventually like it. If you knew how much I love coffee, you may be surprised to find out that I used to think it was disgusting. I started drinking it for, I’ll just say, health (bathroom) benefits and used to have to sweeten it so much that it barely tasted like coffee. Now I love it black.
The more you do something, the more you get used to it. I know that seems painfully obvious, but it is something to keep in mind when starting habits that require a lot of discipline at first…
So-so day today.
But here is a cute kitty.
And here is the kitty that always stares at me.
I want to make changes in my life, but I seem stuck. It appears my options are limited. But, a motto or saying of mine is, “Lack births creativity.” (Similar to, “Necessity is the mother of invention.”) I need to get creative and see what I can come up with to get out of this funk.
I dislike when a day is ending before I get satisfied with it. I find it hard to go to sleep because I am still trying to get fulfillment in the day.
I want to enjoy what I have to enjoy. I did take time to do that today. Every day is lacking for me, though, because I am in a place a don’t want to be, away from the people I want to be around. I do things to help make the day pass.
I want to function better in society. I want to be a nice, friendly person. If you couldn’t tell already, I am more of an introverted type of person. Being social is something I have to force myself to do. I don’t really have friends. I know I have people who can help me and that I can even have a deep conversation with… But no one I hang out with. I don’t think a person has to have a person or group of people she hangs out with, but I am alone a lot, and so get lonely. I would love to be able to hang around with my family that I live far away from.
I’m all for living a healthy lifestyle. That doesn’t mean you have to cut out everything you like if someone doesn’t think it is good for you.
I had recently tried to cut back on caffeine, but I like my life better with it. I don’t drink unhealthy levels of it anyway, I just thought I was overtaxing my adrenal glands. I hope not at least, by drinking coffee. My worried, anxious thoughts on things do more harm to my adrenals, if anything.
I also seem to run better on sugar. I still would like to eat more vegetables, but keeping sugar in my diet makes me feel energized, which I appreciate.
There is something wrong about all foods and drinks, so it is not like there are perfect foods to eat and drinks to drink. Every body responds differently to the food and drinks given it, and that will even change over time for the person.
This exhaustion of mine is getting really old. I am concerned about my adrenal glands and have been cutting back on coffee for the past few days. I sure felt the lack of caffeine while at work today. I was rude to a customer and I feel awful about it. I had gotten flustered over someone not claiming a “to-go” order (I work in the food service industry). There were only three groups of people to choose from, and I was sure the order I was bringing was this one woman’s, but since a group of two guys had ordered ahead of her, she was thinking it should be theirs. I have assumed wrongly about people’s order before, so I said, “I’ll just wait until the other order is ready so there won’t be any confusion.” (I got flustered at this point and said some other things to myself, but I don’t remember, and the woman could have heard my flustration.) The other order, different from the first, came up and it was for the two guys. The rude part came when I pointed out the difference in the guys order and hers. I honestly was annoyed so I am sure it came out in my voice and facial expression.
I am not in the right for expressing any annoyance in view and earshot of a customer. I need to keep it to myself. But being tired makes me easily annoyed and angered. It makes me quick to frustration. I was even trying to not be like I was today. I am struggling to put a hold on my emotions when I feel so tired.
When stuff like this happens, I can get really down about it. But I have to learn from it and move on. I need to practice closing my mouth and smiling. I have thought about what a Japanese person would have done. She would have bowed and said, <> (I’m sorry. Please wait a moment.) Or something like it.